Somehow… the nights are always the longest
I can’t look within myself without seeing you first
I can’t open up my wounds without worsening hurt
I can’t ever get the flowers if I don’t pull them from dirt.
I feel you in my sheets
See you in the cracks as I get nearer to the door
Sometimes I walk alone, & I can hear you on the floor screaming,
“Why’d you let me drown? Why’d you let me go?”
& I… I never have the answers.
I hear your screams like tears falling
From the mountains in your eyes
Such a sharp, sharp pain
I can hear & feel you die, hear you calling
I hear you calling, but I can’t save you
I can’t save you…
I can’t save you one more time
I can’t look you in your eyes & tell you, “Things will be alright”
I can’t feed you any lines
Get you hooked & reel you in
Just to throw you back again & watch you drown…
All over again.
& I’m mentally reclined in my mind
Previewing memories of the times
When we almost had it
When all it took was to grasp it
When all it took was to grab it
Clench your fist so tightly around that bliss & be happy
But, somehow the sands of time slipped through our fabric
& stained our existence with that of its own
It was running out on top of us
Slowly running out on top of us.
& if you can hear me cry in this poem, disregard it
Because, this is the part where my heart will harden
What do you do with a heart you can’t feel?
Who do you give it to?
How do you live with it?
I’m guilt trippin’
I’ve packed bags full of sadness
Remorse, my anger won’t let me see past it
My bloodshot eyes are so tired, I can’t seem to see straight
It was not supposed to be this way
It cannot be this way.
I remember finding sun in your eyes
The stars in your smile
I could walk for miles along the concrete just staring into them
& now I play keyboards like pianos typing symphonies of misery
Instrumenting our memories
Praying that you’ll remember me
Praying that you’ll remember me when my years run out
When our cycle discontinues
When your fears run out
Praying that you’ll remember me when you move on
Praying I’m still your weakness when you grow strong.
Never let your heart run out on you
Never… let… your heart run out on you.
